I Think I’m a Proverbs 29.34 Woman

Heather —  January 23, 2012
How To Have a HEART for Your Kids

This week in the How To Have a Heart For Your Kids Book Club, Chapter 2: Enrich Your Marriage

Yes. I meant 30.3444 or maybe 29? All I know is when I hear people talking about being a Proverbs 31 wife, I always think about how marvelous that would be, and how hard it is to really attain that.

It is interesting to me that in this book club, about how to have a heart for your kids, the author gets right down to business with what can really make or break a family. The first chapter is to put God first. And, next, your marriage. How do you protect your marriage? How do you get a great marriage? Well, I agree with the author that honoring your husband, serving him, and treating him like your best friend and ally, not just a work partner, is a good way to go.

Easier said than done! I think the sweeter your husband is, the easier it is maybe to take him for granted. I say that because my husband is very sweet and sometimes I take him for granted. Around here, I spend a lot of time with the few children who make the most noise. Anyone else have this dynamic?

And, when I am not being mommy, and not exhausted, I tend to try to find ways to be me. Maybe do something creative, or blog or even clean. Something not kid related. I don’t immediately go try to do for my husband.

This is funny to me, because when I was younger, I was a single, working mom of two boys. I always though once I had a good husband life would be so much easier…so magical. I saw married women treating their husbands poorly or ignoring them and I thought they were foolish. I would never be like that! Haha. Fast forward 10 years and I see that I am taking my husband for granted sometimes. But, there are only so many hours in the day.

  • So, how do you decide how to use your hours? Should I write a blog post, or sit and watch a football game with my husband?
  • Should I go get a new shirt I kind of need…or stay home and complete a project that I have been whining about?
  • Should I put a ton of effort into getting the children to bed so I can pay attention to some story from my husband’s day?

Well, when you really think about it, yes, yes and yes.

I should make my husband my number one priority. Still, I squirm about that, I mean, he’s not complaining and I have loads of things I want to do to make my life, my home nice. Right?

And, on top of all that, there’s the question of who is really the leader. I married a laid back guy who takes his time making decisions, and wouldn’t force anyone to follow anyway. I, on the other hand, love the idea of being the leader. I move fast! I have ideas! I get people on the boat and moving…sometimes, in spite of how anyone feels.

So which is right? Well, neither in every situation, which is probably why God has opposites attracting so often! But, if I truly believe the Bible and trust God, then I know that I am supposed to let my husband lead.

And that will make my home nice.

I know that, because when I am not stubborn and do that, it always end up lovely. No joke. Still hard to do!

So, how can I take this idea of serving my husband and make it real for him this week?

  • Well, I can try to not be stubborn when I think I am right about something this week
  • I can offer to do something for him ~ and mean it.
  • I can pray that God will help me to be the Proverbs 31 woman of our dreams. Because only God can do that.

*this post is loosely based on chapter 2. Really, get this book!

Would you like to join in? Visit http://thepelsers.com/2011/12/05/heart-kids-book-club/ for all the details!


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13 responses to I Think I’m a Proverbs 29.34 Woman

  1. Great post! I’m right there with you – hubby gets the back burner most times. 🙁 I don’t think I’m even at 27 right now… Not a bad wife, just very preoccupied with 1,000 other things. Thanks for the reminder that being partners means putting each other as close to first as life allows.



  2. Great thoughts Heather, thank you for sharing! I am loving this book / book club too! Blessings.

  3. Jennifer Maassen January 24, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Yes, hmm… I knew I was in trouble when I was talking to Erik about Biblical submission, and he just stopped me and exclaimed, “You are a lot of things, but ‘submissive’ is not one of them!” Ouch! So I have something to work on there. However, women like us do need a bit of latitude to lead in some areas of the home, as long as that’s beneficial and agreeable to your husband. There are so many things that Erik just does not want to think about, and I would never have made it as his wife if I had been the type to let him do all the decision making, as he has been very busy and working and traveling for most of our marriage. I do think that God equips people with certain personality traits for a purpose. We must strike a delicate balance. Thanks for a thought-provoking post.

    • 🙂 I can Totally see that!! I probably should have put more thought into the post! I was really trying to explore my own thoughts vs my actions on this subject!! I wonder if it really comes down to being submissive when your husband REALLY asks you to be. If Chris feels super strongly about something, I generally trust him–but, yeah, a lot of things he doesn’t care about, so not leading in that area. hmm. I also was doing some research on domestic violence and so I know it is of utmost importance that the husband loves his wife. that’s a whole other discussion, yes?

  4. As I sit here typing this response, my hubby is asking what I’m doing and wants me to come upstairs and talk to him. So do I submit and love him first? I think so! 😀

    These are great thoughts and some that have made me look at myself and realize yes, I do pay attention to those who make the most noise, and he isn’t one to make noise, but that means I need to commit time to him even more! So now that he’s making noise, I’m going to go and attend to his needs :0)

    • Good Morning! Haha! I know exactly what you mean. I think it is good to have hobbies and interests but I know I can get so caught up in things:) I hope you had a good evening, thanks for taking the time to comment:)

  5. Amanda @ The Pelsers January 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    My husband sounds similar to yours. I have the much more dominant personality and I can be intimidating if I’m not careful.

  6. I hear ya about being or trying to achieve as a Proverbs 31 woman. I struggle at this everyday.. I enjoyed your post. Look forward to reading more of your thoughts on this book..

  7. I can relate to the previously single-working-mom thing you talk about. We did the work of two…yet yearned for a husband.

    Now, with the single mom thinking, in the back of my mind, I often forget that I’m no longer the head of the household, even though it’s been 11 years. And it seems almost easier to take a husband for granted because I’ve done it before without one. But I then remind myself that I don’t have too…I’m choosing marriage over being single…that I have a husband now…and how I yearned for one when I was alone. I know many single mothers who have not received that gift…which makes me very grateful.

  8. I am guilty of putting my husbands needs below my own and of course the kids too. He’s such a good guy and doesn’t complain much. Your comments were very helpful thank you so much.
    This made me smile: “I, on the other hand, love the idea of being the leader. I move fast! I have ideas! I get people on the boat and moving…sometimes, in spite of how anyone feels.” I have ZERO leadership quality in me. Wish I had some of that confident persuassion to get others on the boat even when they’re not interested. I’d sell some tupperware or jewelry or something to make a little extra money for our family, lol

    • 🙂 Marie–I do not believe you! I can totally see you being a great leader! Right now, you are busy using it w/your kids:) But yes, it is so easy to pay the most attention to whomever is yelling the loudest:) The tyranny of the urgent over the important. I struggle with that.

  9. Being submissive comes down to adapting yourself to him and making his wishes yours.

    But it does not mean asking him what kind of dish soap he prefers…unless that is important to him. Wives have their delegated responsibilities and most husbands are totally uninterested in that aspect of life.

    I’ve seen relationships where the husband is asked by the wife to micromanage her. Poor guy…and poor girl. That is not submission and leadership.

    As Mary Pride pointed out, a good way of understanding these concepts is to look at the business world.

    Thanks for posting this article!

    Annie Kate